I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
