Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
