I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
