Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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