Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
