Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
