im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
