I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
