I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize