I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
