Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
