My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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