She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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