don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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