My Higher Power is John Stamos
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
