They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
