Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Randomize
