I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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