The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
