this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
