I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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