my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
