Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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