I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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