I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
