$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
