I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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