i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Pappa wants mamma naked
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
