There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Your penis caused this!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
