im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
