if only i could text you this smell
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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