your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
