A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Randomize
