I think I died a long time ago.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
