I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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