I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
