I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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