Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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