I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
