Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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