Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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