i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
