your parents love me but you hate me
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize