today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
