I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
That accounts for only three of the penises
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
