I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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