hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
