We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
