Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
