i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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