I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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