Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I want her autograph on my taint
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
