Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
