i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
