Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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