What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
