By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I wish they made helmets for livers.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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