I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
