I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We are all done wearing pants today
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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