I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
This toilet bowl is my home.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
