how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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