That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize