before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
