You can't motorboat a personality
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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