the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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